It's cold. It's fucking freezing. For the last week or so, life below zero has become the new normal for most New Englanders. In case you forgot, I am not a New Englander. I am a Southerner living in New England as best I can. Between trudging through snow that is only pretty before 7 am, prior to the dogs decorating in with various shades of gold and brown, and a car that hasn't been clean in months, I am losing my cool. Yes, you can completely lose your cool in the cold. Yesterday, it was -8 and snowing when I foolishly took the dogs out. We didn't make it far, and I had to break up the walk because I felt my right thumb succumbing to the beginnings of frostbite. Seriously. It still hurts. The heating in my apartment is running full blast but is no match for the icy reign of this hellacious winter. I am constantly cold. By the way this is a picture of me screaming, but its so cold that the sound waves freeze mid-air, and no one hears me. Cold has made me its bitch. I imagine that this is what it would feel like if the ice dragon on Game of Throne's breathes on you. I'd rather die by fire. It would be more humane. I am trying to be a trooper but my body isn't having it. I bought myself this really great fur throw for my birthday and surprisingly is it as a functional as it is pretty. During the coldest parts of the day, I bundle up in it and imagine that it's a magical portal to a warmer place, where the people are well-dressed and diverse, and the food is flavorful. I imagine that it's not Burlington, Vermont. You can let the Hallmark Channel fool you into thinking that Vermont is a magical place if you want to. Granted its pretty during most times of the year, but its not magical unless you are a hipster or wealthy. I am neither. So for me this is just a really cold bland place to which I am struggling to adapt. I keep hearing from people who have lived their lives here that none of what I am experiencing is normal, but in the same breath they reminisce about that year they walked across a frozen Lake Champlain to New York. How is any of this normal? HOW?! None of this is normal. None. Of. it.
Is there a bright side to this? Maybe. I have a job that allows me to frequently work from home. So I suppose that I should be grateful for the little things. However, this is proving to me that I have limits. Limits that before this I didn't know were limitations. The list of "nopes" is crystalizing in a way that it couldn't have before. Like now I know that any place that has the immediate potential to have weather consistently below 30 degrees is not for me. I also know that I am no racial trailblazer. If the numbers in your organizational Book of Negroes are low, there is likely a very good reason as to why. Seriously, my list of "hmmm... this might be necessary" has grown too. I really need access to the beach and great Mexican food. I should probably buy a year supply of Aleve and tequila and find a serious partner. I'm thinking that the trade-off of having to deal with the constant looming presence of a man that I know will work my last nerve might be worth it to have someone walk the dogs on Sunday mornings when I don't feel like moving. Do get it twisted, though. He can only sleep over on Saturdays for this express purpose and I am not sharing the warmth of my fur throw... There's a very dirty joke in here somewhere. But none like the one this cold is playing on me right now.
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